Whisper to a Scream

I dont know where he stands in my eyes and I have no idea where I stand in his eyes too. maybe this is the part where I should be assure of my feelings first, before making any assumptions. when it comes to feelings, trust me. I am the queen of not being sure at all, hah. nothing to be proud of, btw. haih, I just cant help mysef from feeling that way. well, maybe it's all about timing. maybe, the time hasnt arrived yet. oh heck, I should not think much about it <3

but shit, how can I not? Ive got nothing better to do than think and wonder! and yes, thats what Ive been doing for the past 50 hours. my social life is officially over. OMG, haha -_-'

though it's been just three days, Im missing my girlfriends already. Im scared that I wont be able to party with them on this one glorious night :( GOD. having to know that Im gonna miss it, sucks! another ten more days, oh damn it. not just that, Im missing the dudes as well. I mean, how can I not? I basically see them everyday (sort of) but not anymore oh. fuck lah ;/ speaking of the guys, I think Im gonna miss the last time of lepaking before my best one, Ilyas enters college life. that really sucks okay. I really want to be there <3

SIGH. though I might going to miss those good outings, I managed to get some fresh air yesterday and by that, I mean I got the chance to get out from the house. Baiti and Zan saved me from my own little prison and brought me to Bangsar to shop around. well, obviously I didn't shop since Ive used my last cash on something that has something to do with the incident on the 27th but there's no harm in window shopping, right? despite that I got the chance to walk around with my best two, the nightmare kept haunting me by each minute. even worse, when I kept seeing police everywhere. okay, moving on. the three of us shopped around Bangsar Village and jalan Telawi since there are some pretty cool shops there whee. not forgetting, cheap! we walked around till 6pm and we were off to send me home after that.

later that night, about 1AM, while I was on the phone with Aishah, someone rang the house bell. obviously I freaked out since I was the only one who was still awake. the person kept ringing the bell and I tried to check out who it was but I seriously couldnt see who it was. I panicked and called my brother out from his room and told him to check who it was. he couldnt see who it was outside as well so both of us kept wondering. I was ready to open the door but my brother told me not to. the bell was still ringing and a minute after that, the phone was ringing. I picked it up and it was my sister, Ayu rupanya. CEYH! haha. I had no clue that she was coming home and why the hell couldn't she call the house the second she got home? haisho. I was so freaked out that my heart was pumping so hard. I couldnt even breathe properly. know why? because the first person on my mind who would be at the gate would be the police. those who have no clue, dont ask. thinking that it was the police, I started imagining me being handcuffs and all those shits okay. that shows how freaked out I was, Goddd. anyhow, thank GOd it wasnt them and YEAY, kakak's back. hope she'll be listening to my side of story and understands me <3


God, Im dead bored and I cant sleep. People, call me! or even better, drop by my house please <3