Whisper to a Scream

Breathe in. Breathe out, Anis.

It is raining now. Such a gloomy view from my window. As I was looking out from where I stood, tears started to fall down upon these cheeks. Memories began rolling inside this head. I just have one question for you love.. why did you have to go? without letting me know.

It started from the window. The window that would allow you to sneak into this house and not get busted by others except for me. I remember Mom used to yell at me for bringing you inside the house when you were younger. But as we grew up, we felt that having you around the house, would make us feel more secured. And you did baby, you did.

Haha :) Though it hurts so bad, the moments that we had could still make me laugh. Your behaviour, your attitude. Oh I just adore you. Remember those days when I still had my favourite minnie mouse with me? And how I used to love make you wear her red and white polka dot dress? You looked silly, yet still beautiful. You didn't need any expensive neck-belts like the others do. You knew who you were, where you were from and of course, you didn't need extra accessories to make you look gorgeous. You are perfect as you are.

Do you remember? Those days when I was still in high school, and that you were not feeling well? Almost everyday of the week, after school hour, I went to see you at the clinic, just to keep my eyes on you. I must say, I am not much of a hospital person but I needed to put my brave face, so that you could make it through those surgeries. You did it, successfully. How could I not be proud of you?

I remember my friends telling me, "It's not like she can talk to you back if you talk to her". I knew deep inside me, that you understood me. I have shared my feelings, my secrets and my thoughts with you. You may have seen me cry, thousand times where no one was there to listen. I knew you couldn't speak, but you didn't need words to calm me down. You are extraordinary.

Sweet love.. though I have apologized many times before, I'd want to say sorry again. The day when I almost killed you and your little ones, I swear I didn't see you coming. I knew it must have hurt you. Do you know that my friends and I still talk about you? about that incident. Haha, yeah, we still do. A few friends of mine would let the others know of what I've done to you. And because of that, they would think I'm the bad person. See how much impact you have put on us?

Baby, why couldn't you wait?

I was upset when I received a call from Dad a couple of days ago saying that you were in the hospital. He said you were sick. And I was telling myself again and again, that you were just going to be fine. Why didn't you wake up today? I came back yesterday to celebrate Raya with family, loved ones. Now that I've lost one member, how would that make me feel?! Dad told me to visit you today and I did plan to go. But you just had to walk away first...

Fluffy, I'll miss you. No, I'm missing you already. And I can't help myself to cry knowing that you are gone. Damn, I haven't sobbed like this for quite some time now. But I know it's all worth it. You've been nothing but an awesome little one to me. Thank you for everything.

I love you.