Whisper to a Scream

Wednesday, the 17th.
I could not woke up this evening, somehow. I felt like my body was so heavy (heavier than as it is now). I did not look at the time but I knew it was early for my Dad to come home from work. Was I dreaming? I do not think so. I could recall that he tried to wake me up. Not once, but many times. As I said, I just couldn't wake up! A couple of hours have passed by and I got a call from Dad, asking me to open up the gate. Without thinking nor peeking out from my window to look who was at the gate, I straightly went downstairs. I had troubles walking though. It was as if I was not sober. I felt tipsy (not that I've been in that position, eherm). I couldn't walked properly and I needed something to held onto while walking down. When I've arrived at the front door, I looked outside and noticed that there was no one! I knew it. It was a trap, my Dad's little trap to get me up from the bed. Though I was a bit mad, I did not have the energy to do so. Yet, I felt like throwing up. So I quickly ran upstairs and gone to the bathroom and forced myself to puke.. but that did not work. The noxious feeling was still there, but I just could not do anything about it. I tried to lay back on my bed but the usual feeling that Ive been having these past few days, rose up. What feeling was it exactly? The guilt for sleeping during the day and not being able to help my Mom out. The feeling that would make me hate myself for behaving like an arse, useless person at home. This feeling would continue with a disappointed emotion when I take a look at my room the minute I open my eyes from sleep. Why do I feel disappointed? Well, have you set several goals in a period of time and not being able to reach those targets? Oh I'm sure you have. You see, I've been telling myself to get rid of my study table, paint the walls and redecorate the room.. but I have not done anything yet! That really frustrates me just as soon as I get up. Sometimes, I do think that I 'feel' too much of emotions for someone who just got up from bed. Maybe I need help. Hire me a psychiatrist maybe?

Okay, where was I again? Ah yes.. it was the time when I decided not to sleep back. Instead I switched on the television and watched several music clips, a bit of this and that. Dad suddenly came upstairs, out of nowhere and asked me to look after my niece, Aleesya whom was downstairs. I did what he asked me to and messed around with that little person for awhile. Walked her around the house, milked the baby, made her cry (unintentionally) and yeah, that's about it. The dad of the baby who is my brother in law, Fie arrived at home to take her actual home. I helped him out by putting Aleesya's necessities into the car. Mom and I gave a bit of love and kisses to that baby and off they went. Just as soon as I got upstairs, the not-so-good feeling came back. I went to the bathroom again, and tried my luck but I failed. I knew I wasn't having any fever, because my forehead felt normal. Well, maybe it was a bit warm but could it be the cause of this sick-feeling? I doubt so. I decided to have a long shower to clean myself up, to freshen up myself. I thought it would work but I was feeling the same. So I got dressed in my pyjamas and went down to the kitchen. Maybe a plate of rice and a bit of this and that would be good for me, I told myself. As I lifted up the tudung saji, I felt worse. And so, eating was not such a good idea I thought. I walked slowly to the telephone and called Aishah to have a chat with her. I did get through her but she was out at the moment so I did not want to interrupt. The I-think-I-need-to-puke-now feeling came and because of that, I had to hung on her quickly. But bloody hell! nothing was out for God sake. I hung around the bathroom for a minute or two and just waited for the feeling to come back, but it didn't. So I had some rest on the couch while watching the television. Suddenly, Fad called and told me that they were taking me out. When I said they, I meant Aishah, Zai, Ilyas, Najee and himself of course.

Since he told me to get ready that second, I did what he said. I got ready and went downstairs to wait for them. While waiting, I lied down on the living room's couch and continued watching a movie that I was watching earlier. Then, I got a call from Aishah saying that she was outside. That was fast, I said to myself. I got out from the house and jumped into Zai's car. Apparently, it was just Zai and Aishah in the car. I expected more than that actually, well, kind of. Being the typical of us lately, we went to Montel's which was situated in our so called Kj Square. Even though it took us only a few minutes to get there, I already discovered some dirt that has been happening. Drama drama drama, enough said. When we got there, I spotted Ilyas, Aznam, Eddy and Fahim seated at one of the tables there. Later on, Faye came and so did Najee and Fad. I knew I was not being myself and some people did realize that too. I did not want to show that I was feeling sick but I could not helped it. I am sorry if I may have ruined the night, despite the other dramas going around the table. And as usual, our must-to-have-meal which was shisha was ordered. We wanted to have two balang-s and so we did. We also had our food and drinks aside from that. Unexpectedly, some stranger came to our table and offered his shisha to us since he was heading home already. With hands wide open, we accepted it. Hey, we've got three balang-s of shisha now! We shared it just among us ten people. We did our normal routine where we would share some laughs, make fun of this and that and simply enjoy ourselves.

Najee appointed that they should go jamming later and all of us agreed to it. But when we were up for it, he tried to cancel it, wanting to postpone it to the next night. We managed to pull him out of it and made a move to the jamming studio behind Giant Kj. Ilyas did not follow us though, as he will be having an exam the next morning. The surrounding of the studio was unexpected, to be honest. It was pretty cosy to be a jamming studio to me, haha (if that even make sense, heh). Jamming with the boys was definitely an experience! Not that I actually played along with them, more like being the groupie of the band haha (useless shit!). I had no idea that Najee could play his guitar well, and same goes to Faye and Aznam. I did not know that Zai could play bass and that goes to Faye as well. Seeing Fad played the drums before at Lepaq and in the studio proved to me and the others that he can hit the drums well too. Some of them could sing too! Lagi lah mak aiii. From there, I discovered that I have talented friends and I am proud of them (damn, I sound like their mom or something haha). So anyway, the boys played several songs by Underoath, Paramore, Avenged Sevenfold, Secondhand Serenade, We The Kings, Jonas Bros (HAHA) and etc. Though I was having fun head-banging (just a bit), I did not feel good back again. The feeling came back and I tried to fight by singing along with them and it worked! When they were about to play That's What You Get by Paramore, they asked me to be the vocalist but heck no! I could not remember the lyrics la, uh huh :) I would, if we were prepared to jam and I knew what songs were we going to play.. itu tadahal. But, if it's going to happen, I'm just going to do for the fucks of it so do not expect much. Cool? Hehe! Two hours may have passed by and we decided to stop and continued our night at Murni.

Before heading to Murni, Zai and I sent Aishah back home. When we arrived at Murni, a couple of them were eating while the others just drank (apparently, most people were out of cash). We did not stay there long and headed home about 2:30am in separate cars. Screamed my lungs out for a couple of hours till my throat was dried up, or in other words; I was singing. At the same time, I was texting with the-so-called boyfriend till now. So, I'm going to type off now and continue texting him. Toodles!



Fad, "Ha, you nak main dgn kitorang tak?"
Seconds after that, "Eh, that sounded so wrong! You wanna play with us tak?"
Najee, "You nak main with us tak? Empat kali?" and someone replied, "Larat ke?"

HAHA BODOH LAH! Oh well, I still love you people, har har.

And oh,


".....As ur so called bf, I want to be informed....." (: