Whisper to a Scream

WHAT happened last night? You were being so unreasonable over something really ridiculous. How many times do you want me to tell you that? How many times do I need to tell you that? Yeah, he lied. My dear, people lie. I lie and even you lie and don't you deny that. He had his reasons and he just refused to not explain to you. Leave it like that. You were so, Goddd. How do you expect me to be with you if you're like this? Yes, you can change, that's true. You said you wanted to change. You know that I am so mad about this that you would change and that you have realized you were wrong till you apologized to everyone. But why is it happening again, tonight, right now ?

I may hurt you by saying things that you didn't expect, things that you would prefer not to hear from my mouth. Im sorry but I need to speak up my mind and I don't want to lie, and of course I don't want to pretend. Ive told you from the first night that I needed time, and I still need time, and that I may change my mind. I may walk away. Ive told you, didn't I? But, I did not say that I was leaving right? I didn't say that I dont love you any longer, did I? No. Fine, I get you that you were upset about it and thats why I apologized cause I felt bad and that I know I should leave you for a moment and asked you to settle something else first, and not about us just yet.

But.. another matter came up, his matter came up, again. WHY? I told you to settle things between him and you first, then we would settle our problems right? Why did you have to involve me into your situation with him? You know I care for him, you know Im friends with him. Right now, Im just hoping that you weren't trying to jeopardize our friendship. You trust your ex, I trust him and I trust you. Its complicated, and you know that. He may said Im not his friend, fine, I got pretty ticked off about that. Yeah, I did. But if he isn't a friend, he would have not said he loved me. Chill, we're just friends. Have you ever thought he said that, just because of you? and that he's been doing so many things for you, just for your sake? Right or wrong doings, just for your happiness? As much as he keeps telling me that he loves me, he loves you more cause he was determined of leaving me just because of you. He's friends with me because you tell him that I am your happiness and that he wants to share your happiness with him as well. He's doing things beyond your imagination because he cares for you God damn it. Cant you see that? Maybe you're blinded by his lies and all you could see that he is a fake in your eyes. And oh, when you found out that he didn't care for me and he didn't consider me as a friend, why were you so satisfied about it? I could sensed it through your voice. Were you happy that I lost him? that he would not be in my life or our lives anymore? Where did your heart go? This is so not you.

Im not taking sides. Its not about trusting whom more than the other person. Its not about loving whom more. So, don't point out those matters in this ridiculous situation! God. I don't know what I feel now and I don't know what I should be even thinking! Im just so sick of this drama shits and as much as I don't want this, leave me ALONE. for awhile. for me to rethink about this whole bullshit that both of you have caused, that both of you had brought me along in this stupid shit.

I would have never thought that I would be in such situation as I am, right now. Thanks.



Baby, I just don't know.